Shulammite's Weblog

Untouchable

Shulammite — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 17:02:28 +0000

I feel like I am free-falling into the sky, barely starting to comprehend:

Your only Son under all Your wrath, in the place of sick and evil men.

I stand at my breaking point here, and I can’t pretend that i get this-

You, the God of righteous indignation, freely pouring out forgiveness.

My heart burns remembering You, tearing such innocent flesh apart-

for a depraved wretched like me, with tomb-like soul and stony heart.

He accepted from diseased sinner’s mouth, the betrayer’s hateful kiss.

I’m there- wanting to run from watching You crush the Lamb like this.

The Way is there, I can see it bleeding, i’m undone- He ransomed me for You!

His body torn like the temple curtain, I see the light of Love pouring through!

Lord, what can I do but fall at your feet, there is nothing good in me to tell.

I was conceived in crime, deserving only to be nailed to a fiery cross in hell.

Even if I looked, there is no way to enter your presence and see Your Face-

except by the cross of Christ, where You save all who hope in Your grace!

I ignored my greatest need because it was too much for my workaholic mind.

But if trusting my work sets me apart from grace, I’m done walking that line.

Oh God, keep me planted on this Rock, on the One so much higher than me.

I never want to move away from Him and the hope of untouchable security!

Filed under: poetry Tagged: forgiveness, God, grace, hope, Jesus, security

Dreams of God

Shulammite — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 13:12:09 +0000

I lie down and slip into the darkness each night… Upon my earthen bed,

My eyelids flutter, they still again… Seamless visions flow thru my head.

At times, I’m flying and diving like a wild bird… Knees aching from all the falls,

Other times my feet are sluggish, and slow… Struggling to follow muted calls:

From countless friends and foe… Often changing, one second to the other,

The face that I am fleeing from… Suddenly shifts- and becomes another.

Beauty and horror I have seen… The things that I saw in real day light

Slip like mist into my mind… To be the wild and vivid dreams of my night.

But in all the years that I have slept… I only recall one dream, possibly two,

Of someone I love more than my life… For I have only twice dreamt of You!

Oh how can this be so, Dearest Friend…? For my heart beats to see and know

Your thoughts, Your ways, Your steps… To see where You secretly go.

I long for the stories of my sleep… To pull my soul to a world beyond,

Where I fly and sing and breathe… Reaching out, too enthralled to respond.

So why, my Love, why are You not there…? Why are you seldom ever seen?

In warm visions of a resting head…Where water’s blue, and fields are green?

Perhaps I don’t often enough… Fix my mind on glorious thoughts of You?

Perhaps if in the day I saw You more… Then You would fill all of my nights too!

Why do I so intensely feel all of this…Why does it suddenly bother me more?

Because! I caught a glimpse of You… Last night, on that last foggy shore!

It’s like a silk shaft through my heart… Each time I stop and picture You there.

You’re like the elusive summer wind… One moment, beside me, then nowhere.

I see you amongst the rest in my mind… You’re like a Lover among my enemies.

I thirst for just one sight of You… A blind woman, who sees only in her dreams.

What I can’t clearly see in the day… I long to behold in the darkness of night.

I know You delight to visit me there… On the edge, and just out of my sight.

I know I cannot explain it very well… And yes, it may only sound really odd:

But I know now more than anything else… That my longing is for dreams of God!

-Shana Kohnen

Filed under: poetry Tagged: blind, christian, distracted, dreams, God, religious, seeing

The River Of God Is Full

Shulammite — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 14:12:55 +0000

Just to be filled up by You, this is what I want to do
I want to see today why my own soul thirsts for You

I crawl to Your River because I am so empty now
But to kneel and drink, only You can show me how

I am so filled with joy at the sight of the water’s roll
As I see for the first time that the River of God is full

An old and foolish beggar, I have made myself poor
When Your Presence is the wealth I was longing for

If one bird ran out of sky, or a fish drank all the sea
If all the air was taken when a single baby breathed

Even so I could not want more than you want for me
But I might settle for much less than all that could be

Only You can satisfy those You made from Yourself
And I am not contented when I drink of anything else

Oh to be filled up, I am doing what I ached to do
I am seeing the truth: my soul longs only for You

Posted in poetry Tagged: christian, God, longing, poor, religious, satisfaction, thirsty

A THOUSAND CROSSES

Shulammite — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 15:43:41 +0000

We were a dark, burdened race
People laden with their iniquity
Our sins ran like scarlet rivers
Sealing all of us YOUR enemies

As rebellious children now
We turned in un-repentance
Waiting in fearful expectation
Of YOUR fury and vengeance

Destined for deep destruction
We fled in our terror of YOU
But all who forsake the LORD
They shall surely be consumed

YOU only are just in YOUR wrath
YOU alone are completely good
And we knew that we deserved
To be crushed where we stood

But a backward glance we stole
And were staggered by the sight
Of a lonely hill called Calvary
Cloaked within a burning night

We saw for the very first time
All the glory that’s in the cross
That YOU alone could save us
And YOU came seeking the lost

As we stood there and gazed
Upon YOUR only begotten Son
There was nowhere else to look
And with no other place to run

We fell to our knees for grief
Weeping in the raging storm
As the flood of hell’s torment
Broke against a guiltless form

On a cross for all our wickedness
Where HE humbly suffered alone
YOUR love washed our black hearts
Leaving them as white as the snow

There should be a thousand crosses
Where we each pay for our own sin
But YOU know that there is only ONE
Who can bring us home to YOU again

Posted in poetry Tagged: christian, cross, guiltless, Jesus, judgement, love, redemption, religion, save, storm, terror

He Will Deliver Us!

Shulammite — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 14:50:40 +0000

“For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.

Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death.

But that was to make us not rely on ourselves but on God,who raises the dead.

He delivered us from such a deadly peril,and he will deliver us.

On him we have set our hopethat he will deliver us again…” -2 Corinthians 2:8-10

As I read this passage, I am so moved by the writer’s attitude toward God.

In my own life, I am often overwhelmed by intense fear. At times, I can see that it is unfounded and unrealistic… but still it paralyzes me and fills me with dread. Whether it is fear of embarrasment… fear of failure… fear of pain… fear of the future… fear of spiders… fear of crowds… fear of evil… I find myself so often imobilized by it. I know in my heart that God is great and I can trust Him. But still… sometimes when I am faced with something that scares me, I feel totally helpless and inadequate to meet the moment face to face… without shrinking back in terror. WHAT did the writer of these words find in God that made him hopeful? There was a REASON for the trials this man was facing.

There was a purpose for him feeling like he was “at the end”… that he had been condemned. What was the meaning of this? Why did he feel that he was utterly burdened beyond his strength?

Because… he WAS at the end, he WAS in a situation that went beyond his own strength. It all happened so that he might stop RELYING ON HIMSELF and start RELYING ON GOD!

Then what happened? God showed up! He delivered. He saved. He rescued him from such a deadly peril. The writer of these verses doesn’t say, “Oh, its no big deal… everything will be alright in the end…” He was despairing even of life! He knew that he was helpless to fix things. When he realizes this, he is then able to turn his gaze to the one who is ever faithful and close at hand. And then he is filled with faith! Faith in a God who is and always will be the Deliverer of his people.

Even more amazing than this man’s faith, is this God in whom he puts his faith! He is a God who raises the dead!! This is the real joy- the real hope! That God is alive, and He is moving. He has not and will not leave us in our despair and fear.As I look back on my life so far, I am struck by this fact- that God has been faithful over and over again! And I know that He will be again!

Yes,

I am a fearful woman. Sometimes I think there has never been a more fearful one than I. But these verses give me so much comfort! I serve the same God that this man speaks of! When I am carrying a burden to difficult to bear any longer, I want to have my eyes opened… to see that it is a sign- a sign that I have ceased to rely on Almighty God, and have begun to take things on my own shoulders again.

How I pray that I may not forget this truth: The weight that rests upon my back is unfailingly lifted away when I run into the arms of God. But when I feel crushed beneath the burden of it… then I know that I have been trying to walk on my own.

My strength is only human, and my endurance has a limit, but God is unceasingly powerful and He is the defender of the weak. How gracious and kind He is! He upholds and protects those in need. And to know and walk with Him is the only joy of living.

O God, help us to rely on you today! Help us to take heart, for You will hasten to deliver us again and again!

Trust me! ~ (Amy Carmichael quote)

Shulammite — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 11:56:22 +0000

~ ♦ ~

“How precious is your steadfast love, O God!

The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

They feast on the abundance of your house,

and you give them drink from the river of your delights.

For with you is the fountain of life;

in your light do we see light.”

(Psalm 36:7-9)

I am so quick to run from His arms… when they are the only safe place in all the world.

What blessing I receive from the words of Amy Carmichael! To me, they speak the very heart of God toward all His children:

“Trust me, my child,” He says.

“Trust me with a fuller abandon than you ever have before.

Trust me, as minute succeeds minute,

every day of your life, for as long as you live.

If you become conscious of anything hindering our relationship,

do not hurt me by turning away from me.

Draw all the closer to me, come, run to me.

Allow me to hide you, to protect you, even from yourself.

Tell me your deepest cares, your every trouble.

Trust me to keep my hand upon you. I will never leave you.

I will shape you, mold you and perfect you.

Do not fear, O child of my love, do not fear.

I love you.”

WHY. . .

Shulammite — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 23:05:48 +0000

Why would I laugh… when I feel like weeping?

Why would I give… when I feel like keeping?

Why would I smile… when I feel like frowning?

Why would I swim… when I feel like drowning?

Why would I stay… when I feel like leaving?

Why would I rest… when I feel like screaming?

Why would I love… when I feel like hating?

Why would I lead… when I feel like waiting?

Why would I give comfort… when I feel like receiving?

Why would I speak truth… when I feel like deceiving?

Why would I sing… when I feel like bawling?

Why would I stand… when I feel like falling?

Because, you matter more to me than any feeling in the world…

and I can find your holy will by the power of your Word!

You’ve never asked me to put on a show and be fake…

only to follow you and your will as I step out in faith.

And when I respond to your grace, if this brings you pleasure my LORD…

then for me that is enough, yes, it is my greatest reward!

Whatever you desire of me that is what I want to do…

because I am happiest in life, when I am surrendered to you!

A Sinful Woman Looks At Jesus ~

Shulammite — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:15:52 +0000

Luke 7:37-49

“And there was a woman in the city who was a sinner ; and when she learned that [Jesus] was reclining at the table in the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster vial of perfume, and standing behind Him at His feet, weeping, she began to wet His feet with her tears, and kept wiping them with the hair of her head, and kissing His feet and anointing them with the perfume. Now when the Pharisee who had invited [Jesus] saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet He would know who and what sort of person this woman is who is touching Him, that she is a sinner.” And Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to say to you.” And he replied, “Say it, Teacher.”

“A moneylender had two debtors : one owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. When they were unable to repay, he graciously forgave them both. So which of them will love him more ?” Simon answered and said, “I suppose the one whom he forgave more.” And He said to him, “You have judged correctly.” Turning toward the woman, He said to Simon, “Do you see this woman ? I entered your house ; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has wet My feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave Me no kiss ; but she, since the time I came in, has not ceased to kiss My feet. You did not anoint My head with oil, but she anointed My feet with perfume. For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much ; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.”

Then He said to her, “Your sins have been forgiven.” Those who were reclining at the table with Him began to say to themselves, “Who is this man who even forgives sins ?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Simon was too busy watching others. He did not understand who Jesus was and what He was offering. The sinful woman did understand! She had eyes for Jesus only and it made her throw herself at his feet pouring forth the sincere tears of her thankful heart.

I wonder, if Simon had been looking at Jesus instead of the miserable woman kneeling on his floor, would he have gotten down there right beside her… undone by the burden of his own wicked heart, weeping for his own sin, and worshiping the Man who would take all the sins of the world upon his shoulders and freely forgive the guilty?

Far too often I find myself playing the role of Simon… the one who is constantly looking around… picking out and judging the faults of those around me- demanding that they meet MY standards of godliness. In essence, Simon was saying: “This woman does not deserve your attention, Jesus! Why are you treating her so mercifully???”

Simon had his eyes fixed on everything but Christ, and so he did not see his own desparate need for the grace of God. It would only have been out of an intense thankfulness for the love Christ offered, that Simon would ever have been able to look upon this sinful woman with mercy and kindness in his heart- not because she deserved it, but because he was in the same boat as she: a sinner in desparate need of forgiveness from God.

The sinful woman in this passage was able to fully love Christ because she had been loved fully. The grace she had been shown made her keenly AWARE of her own need. It made her humble… it made her weep. It caused her to cling to Jesus’ feet and pour out her most valueable possession before Him as a humble thank offering.

Perhaps the greatest error in my life occurs when I take my eyes off of my Savior… This is when my eyes are free to wander… to quickly drift in judgment against my fellow man… I am alarmingly swift to point out the failings of my brothers and sisters in Christ. I frequently Forget that we are all the man in Jesus’ parable- the one who owed the greater amount of money. We all come before Christ as sinners… falling short of His glory. And each of us has been forgiven so much! It is the men and women who are daily aware of having been shown such grace, who are able to sincerely pour out that same, life changing grace on every soul around them.

May God help each of us to be as the sinful woman who’s eyes were fixed on her Savior. I pray that we will spend more and more time each day just gazing upon the Christ of the Bible… becoming more aware each moment of His compassionate love toward all men. And then in response to this love, may we turn to the person next to us and say “As I have been freely loved, so will I now freely love you!”

The Dance ~

Shulammite — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 13:11:54 +0000

Why are you looking down… so burdened, just walking around,

can you not hear that sound?

Child lift your head high… spread your arms so wide,

and begin to fix your eyes on the sky!

And let that sweet music in… as the LORD God Almighty lifts your chin,

I conquered all your sin!

Say goodbye to a work-worn beat… I’ve broken the chains around your feet,

and it’s time we finally meet…

In the middle of the dance floor… leave your marching shoes at the door,

I want to show you more!

So won’t you take my hand… I have made it so you can.

And yes, I love the way you ran…

But I want to see you smile and spin… skip and twirl like the wind-

like Adam and Eve before they sinned.

You’re afraid to unleashe and let go… because now you know,

that grace made you free to do so!

You wonder what will happen in you… wonder where this will lead to,

you wonder what you’ll do.

I know your fear tonight… fear that you’ll lose what’s right,

but I’m the one who brought you into this light!

And that’s the dancing part… that now you can rest from the start,

it’s my grace that changes your heart!

Oh come! Let the dances begin! It is my delight to bring you in,

to dance before my Father again and again!

Do you want to be a star? ~

Shulammite — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 20:34:56 +0000

I am filled with such a desire to be Christ like in my actions and my words… and in this way I dearly hope to draw people with the light of God. But sometimes… I am all too aware of the world I live in today and how anti-Jesus it is. i am plagued with so many questions… How can I meet the world on her terms and still make a difference? How important is it to “fit in”? What does the world really need??? Who does God desire me to be?

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” -Matthew 5:14-16

It is gradually dawning on my slow mind that in my honest desire to be effective… I have slipped into living a life that is merely a “Christian replica” of worldly standards- a darkened star just hanging in space… fitting nicely into the gloomy darkness around it, but not shedding any light.

God created me for specific purposes… one of which is to be a lamp that lights up the darkness with a new and totally different way of life- a life that reflects the character of the One who saved me. I am meant to be set apart- not conforming to this world’s patterns… totally different… consecrated. (Rom. 12:2) This lost world does not need another pious pharisee who looks about as much in the dark as they are!

Why do we often feel that, in order to draw the world for Christ, we have to hand out something that looks so extremely similar to what they can find almost anywhere else in the world? Yes, perhaps we make them feel more comfortable… more at ease… but is that why our Father put us here?

Why am I so afraid to be true to my Savior in my actions and words? If His Word is truth and the truth sets people free, then from where I’m sitting, it sure doesn’t look like it needs to be “sugar-coated”. It is what it is. And if we have to change it to make it relevant… well then maybe we don’t really have something that great after all.

If what we have to offer the world isn’t something different, something universally significant and special, something that can peirce through darkness and bring hope and a new and better life… then what are we trying to sell anyway? It must be pretty weak, if we constantly feel the need to “dress it up” to make it more appealing… like something they’ll recongnize and desire… like a piece of the world they already live in! Yeah, they know it and understand it… but what reason have we given them to desire an escape from it darkness? We have offered them nothing to escape to!

Those who live in darkness do not need a longer night. They just need one, small, warm light to enter their vision… calling them… beckoning them into the arms of their Father. I hope and pray that we can all begin to reflect the Son again.

In whatever way God is calling you to shine today, may you do it unashamed and unfraid! Remember, you are offering THE TRUTH in all it’s glorious light!

Shine on!!!